A Bundle of Unclear Thoughts

I want a job or career that is hard, but also simple. I want to be recognized every day. Whatever i want to do i’m going  to make sure i do it big. I have all these things i want to do, all these certs and degrees. Like EMT, Pharmacy Tech, OBGYN, Flight nurse, Critical care physician, can i cant make up my damn mind but thats okay.

Im only 22 and i meet people every day who are older and just getting started. Knowing that gives me hope that no matter what i decide to do i will never be too old.

But lately i have been struggling. Struggling with everything, work, studies and social. If i can click my heels three times and wish for my Wy to be home i would.  I was recently diagnosed with GAD, General Anxiety Disorder i know its nothing like cancer or  something serious like Lupus.  To me GAD is a big deal because i live with it and it is constantly there. The pills help the symptoms but whatever it is that i keep worrying about is still sitting there at the center of everything. To be honest i don’t really know how and what started it all, i do know that it has always been there just chilling and all.

A list of all the things i want to do with my life is either crossed off or pushed to the side. The first thing i need to do is finish my Pharmacy tech, i really don’t even know why i decided to do this. Maybe because i am kind of tired of my job? Who knows maybe i will actually like it and become a Pharmacist. EMT is cool and fast acting yeah its dangerous but i think i have always liked a fast moving pace and quick thinking. I am also very easily influenced. I was a ETT and i loved it because i think i liked being that person who helped someone in the worst time of their life. OBGYNS are like the miracle workers because they help women who are having babies. They help babies before they are born.

Totally irrelevant to the topics above, Today is November 9, and i didn’t have work today and i spent the day studying and playing with my dogs and making cinnamon rolls. Today reminds me of home because of Grey’s Anatomy and my mom because she would always watch it so i binge watched it and i fell in love with it. Today is missing one thing tho, and i look forward to having him home. My love, my brave man, my soldier.

See my Wyatt always lingers into my thoughts.
I love you Wyatt ❤ IMG_4143


Day 3 of 272.

Day 3 is just starting and i don’t know why but i’ve been sleeping a lot. Maybe it’s because Wyatts gone or maybe because i’m kinda sad. It is 12 noon here and about 11 at night where he is. I was pretty shocked about the time difference, but i’m glad i can talk to him when he has a minute to spare.

Today might be a little bit easier, i have a little bit more drive then yesterday. I feel more motivated to study and get out of the house and get things done. But lets wait and see how the rest of today goes, Ive said this already but its true when people say ” the walls get loud”. It’s true because yesterday i sat at home most of thew day and after a few hours i broke down and cried. I’m glad i have Wyatt’s family here for me. I love you Wyatt and i miss you so much.IMG_20160402_152332

Day 2 of 272

First full day at home while my solider serves his country.  It’s too quiet, but kind of peaceful. I was up late the night before just playing on my phone and it gets creepy here at night alone.  That first hour of leaving him was the hardest, i couldn’t leave i couldn’t drive. I sat in my car and cried my eyes out it was unbearable for me it was like a pit in my stomach and mostly, in my heart. Most people tell me ‘ You should have known what you signed up for. ‘ No i didn’t know what i was signing up for because i was to focused on loving my sweet Wyatt.

It’s hard for me to stick to schedule, i know i need to study but i’m having a hard time staying focused.  I think ill cut it short today, I love you Wyatt James and i’m so proud of you. IMG_4102


My dearest Wyatt, I love you. It’s been one hell of a ride, and its been worth it. You have helped me with everything, killing spiders to helping me learn and telling me to stop being such a princess. I love the way the day starts, and when it ends. 

Kisses and cuddles, some words of encouragement before work and a list of chores.  You really are so caring, and loving and most importantly silly. You really know how to put a smile on my face even when I’m mad at you. 

Darling, you are the greatest. I adore you when you smile at me when I’m being cute or funny, you know myself. I’d say we went 0-100 real quick knowing our situation. 
The best is yet to come❤
After tricking me into believing he forgot our anniversary I got sad. He made me take a shower then go to the bed room and grab something I walk into this. 

All my favorite foods, drinks and the flowers I really wanted.

I love you. – yours always❤💋  to the moon and back.

5:00 am.

Getting up at 5 am to get to work on time. To get report at 630 am. Start my day with helping my patients and help make nurses day a little easier. Because when I become a nurse I’m gonna take all the help I can get;) 

Day 1 challenge: A picture of me and a description of my day.

today is September 14, 2016 , As always my day starts off with love and kisses from my mister before he starts his challenging day with the army. Like i said before most days i’m usually happy and full of joy.

In April i moved into a place with Wyatt, and when he would come home for lunch or at the end of the day  i would light up seeing him come home. I would love to come back to that, even after everything that has happened with us. With blogging about things that don’t involve him my mind always seems to throw him in my writing.

Starting this blog has made me just as productive, i really feel like i have found something i like to do and spend my time on.