A Bundle of Unclear Thoughts

I want a job or career that is hard, but also simple. I want to be recognized every day. Whatever i want to do i’m going  to make sure i do it big. I have all these things i want to do, all these certs and degrees. Like EMT, Pharmacy Tech, OBGYN, Flight nurse, Critical care physician, can i cant make up my damn mind but thats okay.

Im only 22 and i meet people every day who are older and just getting started. Knowing that gives me hope that no matter what i decide to do i will never be too old.

But lately i have been struggling. Struggling with everything, work, studies and social. If i can click my heels three times and wish for my Wy to be home i would.  I was recently diagnosed with GAD, General Anxiety Disorder i know its nothing like cancer or  something serious like Lupus.  To me GAD is a big deal because i live with it and it is constantly there. The pills help the symptoms but whatever it is that i keep worrying about is still sitting there at the center of everything. To be honest i don’t really know how and what started it all, i do know that it has always been there just chilling and all.

A list of all the things i want to do with my life is either crossed off or pushed to the side. The first thing i need to do is finish my Pharmacy tech, i really don’t even know why i decided to do this. Maybe because i am kind of tired of my job? Who knows maybe i will actually like it and become a Pharmacist. EMT is cool and fast acting yeah its dangerous but i think i have always liked a fast moving pace and quick thinking. I am also very easily influenced. I was a ETT and i loved it because i think i liked being that person who helped someone in the worst time of their life. OBGYNS are like the miracle workers because they help women who are having babies. They help babies before they are born.

Totally irrelevant to the topics above, Today is November 9, and i didn’t have work today and i spent the day studying and playing with my dogs and making cinnamon rolls. Today reminds me of home because of Grey’s Anatomy and my mom because she would always watch it so i binge watched it and i fell in love with it. Today is missing one thing tho, and i look forward to having him home. My love, my brave man, my soldier.

See my Wyatt always lingers into my thoughts.
I love you Wyatt ❤ IMG_4143

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